Mawidge…mawidge is what bwings us togewer today… Mawidge, the bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffim a dweam… … Ven wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you fowever..
With my upcoming life change… I have been catching up on some reading on the topic of “marriage.” Inevitably, everyone has their own opinion on good marriage books and I’m constantly receiving unsolicited advice on what book I should be reading. So, in light of this reality below is my unsolicited advice on books you should read if your engaged, newlywed, or married plus:
How Come Marriage (The Theology of Marriage)
Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason is a shaping read on the how-come of marriage, tackling issues of oneness, vows, intimacy, and otherness from a perspective of Christ’s covenant with his Bride. He eloquently weaves the object of love between a self-appreciating focus to a self-effacing focus between the two who are becoming one. I was amazed and enthralled with the duty of love while reading this book and will probably read it every year, just to be reminded that love is not about me!
Marriage made in Eden by Alice P. Matthews and M. Gay Hubbards is an atypical book in Christendom relating to marriage in a postmodern age. The authors dedicate the first portion of the book to tracing the history of gender roles, marriage models, and social views of marriage. This lengthy introduction builds a case against the Christian view of marriage using postmodern influences of individualism and materialism. If you want a comparative study on marriage within the culture of today, tracing the influences within your own marriage – this is the book for you.
How-To Marriage (Fundamentals of Marriage)
The DNA of Relationships for Couples by Dr. Greg Smally and Dr. Robert Paul, I am a little biased as both Greg and Robert were professors of mine while I was pursuing my Master’s in Youth and Family Ministry at John Brown University. In my firsthand opinion they are both top notch professors, husbands, fathers and counselors. Their book is written in story form, guiding the reader through the stories of 5 couples at a weekend marriage retreat led by the two Doctor’s. As far as conflict management goes, this book has some fantastic applications that will help the most explosive of couples deal with the core of their disputes.
Sacred Marriage by Gary L. Thomas is a qualitative look at how marriage is not about making us happy, rather marriage, as Gary explains, exists to make us holy. His take on love is that it takes more than romantic love to make a marriage last and in fact it’s in the daily choice to love your mate that is most refining to our soul.
Sexuality (ummm…. self-explanatory)
Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman is a good read on sexual intimacy within a marriage, and is written for the engaged couple to read up to and during the honeymoon (in fact, it actually has a break in the book that says: “to be read on the honeymoon”). Dr. Leman does a good job in breaking down the myths and stereotypes associated with sex and gives practical advice to couples on all levels – psychology and physiology. One caveat: I do not agree with some of the things Dr. Leman discusses on preparation and practice leading up to the wedding night, as I feel the advice given leads to justification of instant gratification rather than a healthy dependency on Christ during the tempestuous engagement months.
Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat, MD and his wife Gaye Wheat, is a more technical look at marriage as it relates to sexual intimacy. Think of it as a Human Sexuality class that is christo-centric in it’s perspective. I would recommend this book to engaged couples (about 1-month out to wedding day) and newlyweds who have questions and concerns relating to their sexual intimacy et cetera… although I believe every married couple could benefit from the reminder that true intimacy can never be about you.
