casper the friendly ghost…
Some ghosts are transparent, others are opaque, and others leave a endoplasmic trail wherever they go…
I am no ghost, but I share in some of the ghostly characteristics mentioned above. My life (more often then not) is a transparent one, not transparent in the sense that no one can see me, but rather transparent in the fact that I have nothing to hide… if someone wants to know what I’m thinking all they have to do is ask and I will have no problem vomiting out my insides onto their lap. This type of living has its drawbacks (not to mention a lion share of dry cleaning bills), but in comparison to being the opposite I gladly embrace the complications that arise in being a transparent soul.
façade - figurative - a outside appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or credible reality.
The opposite of transparency, in this context, would be a façade. This type of living is completely foreign to me. My demeanor is such that you know when I am happy, sad, mad or glad. You do not have to guess the mood I am in (once you understand how each of these is displayed in my facial expressions, tone of voice and or body language)… There are times I must put on a face, and in these times I am incredibly uncomfortable beneath my skin. In these moments of my true self, like and alien beneath my skin, wiggles and squirms, prodding the sheath of protection for a crack or an orifice to escape from to reveal my true nautre (that is a funny/disturbing visual).
Keeping in line with my limpidity, here are three areas/circumstances that arise from my being transparent that are frustrating:
- I cannot hide my true feelings which hurts me when dealing with: love, annoying people, and poker.
- Many people know me intimately (in an asexual sense), therefore many people expect that level of intimacy almost every time we talk which is incredibly exhausting.
- People interpret my transparency as confidence/arrogance… which is a wrong interpretation.
While the first two frustrations are managable the third is the one which causes the most tension in my life… When others interpret something like transparency as confidence or better defined arrogance, it leads them to interact in a way that is destructive rather than encouraging. This is more of a thought, than a psychological diagnosis, I am probably above my pay grade on this… But as an observer of people I feel some truth to this prognosis, specifically that people respond to transparency in people adversely. I really don’t have any solution or way in which to reconcile this cause/effect cycle… God has made each one of us unique and beautiful, quirky and wonderful. And this is a fact of life that I cherish.
