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photo: found here while rummaging the internets for streetart.

Dead End. I’m at one. Right now.

It’s a weird sensation to be unemployed, kinda depressing to even begin to think about how long it’s been since I was working for pay… I made the, for pay, distinction because the cliche’ is true, “The hardest job in the world is looking for a job.”

I can spend 8-10 hours a day scouring newspapers, job boards, and internet sites for job opportunities, not to mention the another 8-10 hours networking, glad-handing and conversating about jobs or rumors of jobs. And anytime I’m not looking for a job, I feel as though I am cheating on my girlfriend… even now, as I write, there is a voice in the back of my head whispering, “ummmm…. what are you doing? You should be looking for a job.”

I’ve thrown countless resumes into the void, and have countless rejection emails and letters in my mailbox. I have been told – I’m overqualified; I’m inexperienced; and I’m not a good fit. In fact, I no longer flinch when I read the first few lines of a rejection letter:

Thank you for taking the time to meet with us regarding the Department Manager position. It was a pleasure meeting you and learning of your background and work experience.

You don’t even have to read the next line of rejection, as it is implied in the first two words… “Thank You…”

What am I to say to that? “Why, you’re entirely welcome! I really enjoyed getting to know you too, in fact, if anything else pops up, a position that better fits my talents and skills, please be sure to let me know.”

I guess that’s the proper thing to say, now that I have typed it… but it’s most definitely not the first thing that comes to mind.

So. Suffice to say, here I am. At a dead end in the job search – networks all tapped out, papers shuffled through, applications turned in and no leads to stand on. It’s in this moment that I am the most dependent on God. Not that I expect God to fill out applications, or put resumes in an employer’s hand. Rather, my dependence rests in God for my worth, because in times of depression my value is attacked by thee ‘ol evil one… and I have to remember:

1. God knit me together in my mother’s womb – He made me for a specific purpose in mind, and my value is not found in a occupation, but in who he made me to be, my vocation or my life’s calling is what gives me significance in this world – to be a watchmen over the gates of Zion, a specific part of the body of Christ, an echo of truth in a world of doubt and confusion, and a mighty child of God (not only a child, but a warrior who wields a sword of truth with the authority to vanquish the enemy’s evil schemes).
2. God is for me and not against me – Not to twist scripture to conform to my theology, but I do believe that He is for us!! Everyone of us, and not only us, but our dreams and desires (if they be right and true)… though the events of today may seem to contradict this assertion, it makes it no less comforting to know that God is rooting for me!
3. God has provided all my needs – I have not been lacking water, food, bed, clothes, fellowship, and even fun. His promise to take care of my needs have been fulfilled.

And when I recount these things, my heart is no longer in a state of depression, for I cannot be depressed when I see the things ahead of me – life, love, and friends. To wallow in self-depreciation, becomes selfish. As I realize – I am indeed blessed beyond compare, and it is my duty to pour out of my overflow.

And what is the overflow of my heart? If shit runs downhill and my overflow is nothing but depression, negativity and self-loathing, then I’m dousing everyone around me with my refuse. But if I’m full of joy, encouragement, and generosity – the fruits of the spirit – those around me are feasting on tasty morsels intended to nourish and enrich their spirit.

So. Even though I’m at a dead end… I’m not gonna allow it to change the contents of my overflow, because that would be discourteous, and I don’t want to be offensive, especially when I’m looking for a job.