i wear the mustache, she wears the pants…
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© photo by Carl Zoch Photography you can follow him on twitter: @carlzoch
I don’t know about you but I’m thankful for the sexual liberation movement of the 60’s and 70’s. I’m excited that in the business world the glass ceiling is lowering (if not yet shattered), I’m a fan of equality in marriage and I love a woman who has an opinion, wears jeans and can live without me (but chooses not to).
In my relationship, we are finding that we sometimes don’t fit into the prototypical gender roles of the 50’s and 60’s, for example:
- I love cooking, and have a black chef’s apron to prove it.
- She’s the breadwinner (ok, I hope to get a job soon, so that should become normalized, but For The Record – I am fine with her providing during this time of joblessness, it does not impact my manhood).
- She’s way more competitive than I am… do not challenge this girl in anything, unless you are a professional!
- I enjoy planning, programming, and have an opinion on interior design and clothing styles (just call me your neighborhood metrosexual).
- She’s way better at handling our finances, though we have chosen to walk through this part together.
The above particulars about our relationship seem to be little things, but you’d be surprised to find out how many people have told me, “Well Sam, don’t you worry – she’ll learn to cook someday.” They say it with such pity, like will starve to death if she doesn’t learn her role!! But the reality is I really enjoy cooking, it is a de-stressor for me and something I am not about to give up, especially to someone who is not as passionate about cooking as me (BTW – she can cook, she just doesn’t enjoy it as much as I do).
This perspective of gender roles are rooted in traditions of the past and in a “pick and choose” interpretation of the New Testament. Contrary to their opinion, I believe God loves equality, especially in the home. And the misuse of Paul’s letter’s to back their position is completely misguided – if they had their way all women would be chained to the kitchen cooking dinner, barefoot and pregnant.
In Ephesians 5:23, Paul encourages “wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”
The problem is that we read these two verses and completely ignore the next 9 verses encouraging “husbands to love your wives as Christ Loved the Church and gave himself up for her so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word… and so on.”
Isn’t Paul saying the same thing here? That there is a mutual subjugation between husband and wife? In fact, I think I can make an argument that the words “subject to” in verse 22 has the same expectation as the words “to love” in verse 25. As the context shows, the entire book of Ephesians, and specifically this chapter highlight the mutual love and respect we are to show each other – wives, husbands, children employees, – it is the same across the board, to love, be subject, serve, and humble yourselves unto one another, just as Jesus sacrificed his life out of love for us.
Gender roles may be ebbing and flowing in modern home, as each member finds their particular place in which they fit into their unique family dynamic, and that is to be embraced. Though there is one thing that keeps me distinguishably masculine – I’m still the one with the killer mustache.
What roles are reversed in your home?
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Tomorrow’s post –> love is fruity…
Tuesday’s post –> purity even when it’s hard…
Monday’s post –> communicating through confusion…
Sunday’s post –> she can’t be your hobby…
Saturday’s post –> seven days…
